The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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