he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
