At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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