i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
