Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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