ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
