well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
