you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
