She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
