what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
