i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
vagina is talking i cant
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
