Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
