All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
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