I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
