Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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