So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
