I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
