Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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