worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize