Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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