btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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