is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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