I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize