I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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