I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
