I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
