If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
This is my gift to your gina
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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