Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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