Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
