This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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