I bet he comes in French.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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