you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
