Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
