Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
