I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
