I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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