What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
