I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
