Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
