just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
