i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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