she woke up with a sticky ear
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
