she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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