I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
