My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
