I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
