i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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