Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
