but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
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