you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
