please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
the liver wants what the liver wants
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
