I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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