Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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