At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
