she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize