return my video game
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
