he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
