There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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