I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
