the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
you had me at cake vodka
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
