youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
So here I am, sexting at work.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
