wat bout pragnant strippers??
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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