are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
