I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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