Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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