he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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