He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
