I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
