he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize