I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
