You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
