I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
