if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize