Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
