a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
