I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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