so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
