I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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