My underwear smells like fireworks.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
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