normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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