I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
she peed on how many people?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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