That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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