Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize