i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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