he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
