Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
