Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Who wears a wallet chain?!
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
