ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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