I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
