It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
