Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize