Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
