dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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