im drinking this country out of the recession.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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