you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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