once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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