I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize