Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
im holly from the hills drunk
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
