So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
