twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
